Funerals

At a Time of Loss - some helpful advice if you are facing bereavement

A bereavement is always a difficult and confusing time – even if it was expected. We hope that these brief notes may help you through this time, from your sense of loss to hope.

The funeral fndertakers you ask to deal with the arrangements will take care of many of the practical things, and also be able to give you advice and help.

You will want to decide what sort of service(s) you wish. The main choices are:

• A burial, or a cremation?
• A service in the church? This can either precede the burial/cremation, or follow it as a thanksgiving service. If a church service is first, the burial or cremation will be a simple committal.

If you would like to arrange a burial, the local cemeteries are in North Berwick or Dirleton. Occasionally, burials take place further away, if there is a family connection with somewhere else.

At the graveside, family members or friends may wish to hold the cords (up to 8 of them) as the coffin is lowered. A graveside service is normally quite simple, and fairly brief. Soil or flowers are sometimes scattered on the grave.

If cremation is an option, there are three places in Edinburgh: Seafield, Mortonhall, and Warriston. Seafield has only one chapel, Mortonhall and Warriston have two chapels each, the smaller of which (the 'Pentland' Chapel at Mortonhall and the 'Cloister' Chapel at Warriston) only allow for a 20-minute service. The large chapels at each place allow more time.

It is helpful to the Minister if the family can provide some background information about the deceased person, and also the names of the family members (for the prayers). It can be useful if you write this down. Sometimes, the family may wish to write their own tribute to the person, to be read by either the Minister or by another friend.

In a church service, and at a crematorium chapel, there are usually hymns sung. For the crematorium, there can be one or two; in the Church, usually two or three. Some suggestions are given below.

If there is a particular reading which you would like, let the Minister know this; otherwise, he will choose something appropriate.

Family members or friends are welcome to take part in the service if they wish e.g. by saying a few words, or reading a poem etc. (this can often add a personal touch). Any (grand-)children may also wish to write a few words, which someone can read out.

You may wish a particular piece of music played as people gather for and leave the service. If this is organ music, please consult with the organist. If it is a CD or tape, please provide it in advance (either to the church or the crematorium), with clear instructions about which track(s) to play.

At the end of a church or crematorium service, you may or may not wish to stand at the door to thank people for their support. This can be emotional, but people often also find it quite therapeutic. If you decide to do this, allow extra time (please note that in the smaller chapels at Mortonhall and Warriston there is not much spare time before the next service begins).

Sometimes, the family may wish to give mourners the chance to donate to a charity or medical cause; this can be arranged by having offering plates at the door as people leave.

At a distressing time such as this, a Christian funeral service proclaims the hope of the Resurrection. This is why we can face it with a sense of victory and triumph, not defeat or tragedy, and with faith rather than despair.

The most important thing is that the funeral service brings comfort, help and hope to the bereaved, and is a fitting tribute to the person who has died.

For a service in Church there is a fee of £50 each for the organist and church officer (the undertaker will normally see to this). There is no charge for the Minister’s services or for the use of the church, but if you wish to make a donation this can be done to the church benevolent fund c/o the Minister.

You may like to contact 'Cruse' Bereavement Care who provide support and counselling (0131 551 1511). The Scottish Office also has a very helpful booklet called 'What to do after Death'; it is free (from 0131 244 3581, or from the undertakers).

I hope that you find these brief notes helpful. The Minister is here to provide you with support and comfort, as well as helping to arrange the service.

Suggestions for Hymns

You may decide to choose particular hymns because they are traditional funeral hymns, or because of their favourite words/music, or because they sum up some aspect of the person. Here are some suggestions.

Please note that Dirleton Church and the crematorium in Edinburgh use the 4th edition of the Church Hymnary ('CH4'). Abbey Church uses Mission Praise ('MP')

There is also a section of suitable hymns in CH4 nos. 725-737, as well as nos. 716-724 and 738-749.